Noble Intentions

Riding the wave of grief
I feel strangely elated.

I knew this man once
in a previous existence.

He was no different to me
He lived my life just as I lived his.

I feel sorry for her now
not because he’s gone.

But because he lived so long
And never saw a need to live

I think of my own life
And how it nearly ended

He is gone now forever
But I remain caged in confusion

Strangely familiar faces
Come to pay their respects

He was a good man really
We just never saw it

His life has taken him
And yet he lives on forever

The drugs have consumed him
Just as they once made him

He was proud and strong
Yet humble and meek

I cry for him now
And for the years apart

I hear kind words
Whispering ashamedly

Why do we play pretend
He was us, and his fate is ours

Every morning as I rise from slumber
and every night as I rest my head
I think of you and I wonder if you are ok.

Deep down I know I shouldn’t worry
for things are not as they were between us
sometimes I even resist the urge to ask.

But I often crave those simple words
“I’m fine, please don’t worry!”
and I run your voice through my mind.

I wont ask you anymore
but your response will always be there
please don’t take that away from me.

I know I must let go
and slowly I will in time find a way
but let me keep these words for now.

I know you dont understand
may be one day it will make more sense
and I will be able to explain to you my actions.

I keep asking myself,
Should I be scared?

I worry about them,
I warn them to stay safe

Then they ask about me
And I fall silent again

‘Me’ – who is that anyway?
Am I supposed to care

The wheel of life turns slowly,
As if weary of its own power
Every cycle brings with it change
Every change brings with it hardship.

I see the sun rise every morning
Slowly creeping to its vantage point
It brings colour to the shadows of the night
Before returning to the depths of darkness.

I pull them close
then push them away
both with open eyes…

I want to stand under the spotlight
without being noticed

To shout from the roof-tops
without being heard

To save every last soul
without actually having to care

A far cry from the man I was
No longer the man you loved.

The sound of the gentle waves
As they softly eat away at the ancient rocks

The smell of the nargileh
Mixes subtly with the crooning Arabic love song

The constant chatter of people
Arabic, French, English and the unspoken smiles

The vast expanse of water
Reaches effortlessly till eternity and back

This is the land of Lebanon
This is the smiling land, ever ravaged by war.

The shade of the majestic Cedars,
shields me from the burning sun.

There’s a cool breeze blowing,
and I watch as the wings of the Cedar sway gently with it.

It’s a beautiful day, a peaceful day.
It’s quiet up here.

Free from the polluted noise of daily life,
I find my mind wandering from truth to fiction,

From past to present,
From me to you.