We sit together, huddled closely,
Anxiously, on the front row

All eyes glued, not to you but
To the images that your words create

You lead us at a measured pace,
Over the peaks and down through the troughs.

Your carefully selected words take us from plane
To plane, each line a new sensory experience.

We wait patiently to follow your cue
To stand in front of your captured audience

And deliver our own humble efforts, Where
My words seem but weak in comparison

I’m nervous and uncomfortable, as I read
Out loud my innermost feelings, thoughts and fears

I see the occasional raised eyebrow, the occasional
Smile amongst faces deep in thought.

I read some more of my painful verse, not sure
If this is what is expected of me

The Round Robin continues through the night, one after
The other we take turns to share the eyes through which we see

The tempo rises and then falls, the mood swings round
Taking us with it on a spiritual journey.

Returning from the break, I find reassurance
In the smiling face and soft coaxing words of a friend.

The evening runs on, the audience
eagerly hold their hands out to be led away to that other world

And as we take them where we will, the half-dimmed room
hides from us their true reactions.

It is only when the evening draws to an end,
kind words from friendly strangers let us know that all is well

Tonight was truly an ecstatic exchange,
led by the master painter Daniel Abdal-Hayy Moore

NOTE:

Many of you have asked me for the Ruba’yat from which I read at the Poetry Sama’.

With their guns and knifes drawn,
They rob us of our children.

On every page of every paper
We see the news of loved ones killed.

As we walk the streets in protest
They stand aside and watch.

Wearing anger on their sleeves
They walk a separate path.

Treasures above the mountains lie
like precious jewels in the sky
in every hue our Lord has taught
we find the blessed butterfly

No greater sight could man have sought
or priceless gift with wealth have bought
their playful flight is indeed remembrance
that in this life we should not be caught.

Wise words permeate the air,
A blessed gathering of wisdom shared.

We all watch, wait and listen,
Slowly the sun begins its divine descent.

Dipping below the clouds,
It leaves behind it a luminous trail.

The sun has set now,
And the night draws cold upon us.

The time has passed,
And yet the moon remains hidden.

Together we stand in prayer,
In submission to our Gracious Lord.

Riding the wave of grief
I feel strangely elated.

I knew this man once
in a previous existence.

He was no different to me
He lived my life just as I lived his.

I feel sorry for her now
not because he’s gone.

But because he lived so long
And never saw a need to live

I think of my own life
And how it nearly ended

He is gone now forever
But I remain caged in confusion

Strangely familiar faces
Come to pay their respects

He was a good man really
We just never saw it

His life has taken him
And yet he lives on forever

The drugs have consumed him
Just as they once made him

He was proud and strong
Yet humble and meek

I cry for him now
And for the years apart

I hear kind words
Whispering ashamedly

Why do we play pretend
He was us, and his fate is ours

Every morning as I rise from slumber
and every night as I rest my head
I think of you and I wonder if you are ok.

Deep down I know I shouldn’t worry
for things are not as they were between us
sometimes I even resist the urge to ask.

But I often crave those simple words
“I’m fine, please don’t worry!”
and I run your voice through my mind.

I wont ask you anymore
but your response will always be there
please don’t take that away from me.

I know I must let go
and slowly I will in time find a way
but let me keep these words for now.

I know you dont understand
may be one day it will make more sense
and I will be able to explain to you my actions.

I keep asking myself,
Should I be scared?

I worry about them,
I warn them to stay safe

Then they ask about me
And I fall silent again

‘Me’ – who is that anyway?
Am I supposed to care

The wheel of life turns slowly,
As if weary of its own power
Every cycle brings with it change
Every change brings with it hardship.

I see the sun rise every morning
Slowly creeping to its vantage point
It brings colour to the shadows of the night
Before returning to the depths of darkness.

I pull them close
then push them away
both with open eyes…

I want to stand under the spotlight
without being noticed

To shout from the roof-tops
without being heard

To save every last soul
without actually having to care

A far cry from the man I was
No longer the man you loved.

The sound of the gentle waves
As they softly eat away at the ancient rocks

The smell of the nargileh
Mixes subtly with the crooning Arabic love song

The constant chatter of people
Arabic, French, English and the unspoken smiles

The vast expanse of water
Reaches effortlessly till eternity and back

This is the land of Lebanon
This is the smiling land, ever ravaged by war.

The shade of the majestic Cedars,
shields me from the burning sun.

There’s a cool breeze blowing,
and I watch as the wings of the Cedar sway gently with it.

It’s a beautiful day, a peaceful day.
It’s quiet up here.

Free from the polluted noise of daily life,
I find my mind wandering from truth to fiction,

From past to present,
From me to you.

Buzzing voices filter in and out of my ears,
The room is full, nearly bursting at its seams,
People talk and I casually respond,
People laugh and I laugh with them
We all stand together, yet in reality I am alone.

Amongst the confusion
Reigns a strong sense of surety

Between the extremes
I walk with frailty

A new life ahead
Clouded in obscurity

If I fall back again
I have no security

This isn’t about me really
Is it?

I can’t do this for me
I refuse.

You tell me you care
I ask why?

You want to help me
You can’t

You call me a friend
I don’t understand

You saw me self-destruct
I’m sorry

You saw me fight for life
I’m sorry

I will not hurt you
I’m sorry

I will be honest with you
I’m sorry

I will fail you
I’m sure

I will fail myself
It’s inevitable

They snatch from me
The few possessions I have.

They rip from my arms
The things I value most.

Their ideas seem to smother me
Their thoughts held high above mine.

I haven’t their respect
I want not their sympathy.

They intrude like burglars in the night
They steal my passions from me.

They tear from me my very life
Draining every drop of blood.

They disregard my feelings
They claim to know me better.

They shred my moral fibre
Leaving no stone unturned.

They cover me from head to toe
To save me from myself.

They say they want to help me
To make me happy again.

They suffocate me with their care
I smile and laugh and play pretend.

They promise they’ll never leave me
With them I’ll never be alone.

One day at a time
Step by step
Rebuilding my life
Finding my self

New roads ahead
Dimly lit
Barely visible
Shuffling forward

No looking back
Rose tint fading
New friends found
Colleagues lost

Still hurting bad
Too nuch pain
Can’t leave now
Only tears to gain

Bright soothing colours
Calming smile
True friendship
Makes me care

Please dont cry
Tears drown me
Too much pain
I’ve hurt you

You saved me
I lived for you
You waited
I cried

I need answers
What’s the question
I need help
Please dont leave me.

Life’s little joys seem to pass so soon
Days only lived by the light of the moon
My memories so fresh, so cruel
My thoughts and feelings around my feet are strewn.

Too many years without formal rule
Unhappy memories of a joyous school
My pain did I myself create
Drowning always in my own blood’s pool

For years now I’ve stood behind the gate
Staring head on at my inevitable fate
Why I made myself so sad
And forced myself to not love or hate.

I know the things I did were bad
Never wanting the love I had
I know I hurt you, I know, I know
But years of loneliness drove me mad.

Alone again, so soon
after the storm.
Another full rotation, of blessed
seasons unblessed.

Unanswered questions loom
like tear filled clouds.
Only this time, answers slip
so easy of my tongue.

Cold and lonely, yet
warm and loved.
Spiritually high, yet forever
rebellious.

Dark nights and
vicious cycles.
Long days of
unlived lies…

Forget the past, sleep the day, wake not for the dawn of tomorrow.

Bleed the pen, burn the paper, dry those tears of eternal sorrow.

Blind the eyes, pack full the ears, wipe the traces of that lonely smile.

Turn full-around, re-trace your steps, and walk alone for a while.

I am drowning in a mist
a mist of sweet smells
a mist of beautiful sights
I am lost, confused…

My senses are fighting with eachother
each boasting a bigger victory than the other
can my ears hear something
more beautiful than the sight before my eyes…?

Can i possibly smell something sweeter
than that which my hands can embrace…?
I don’t know where to turn, all around me
in every direction i see nothing but light

As the battle inside me rages on
i begin to recognise my predicament
it is mentioned by many a learned man
as the one mountain they never conquered

This is the onset of love
such a powerful friend, so strong an ally
many die in its embrace
and many more shy away from its light

But i have chosen to stand firm
for my heart can take pain no more
and my feet refuse to carry me alone
surely the mist will soon rise, like the lifting of a veil…